Trying to Move Forward

Life has been really sad and chaotic, these last several months/more than a year. Starting with Alysia's death in April 2010 (which is so unreal to write, I can't believe it still), followed by my mother's passing in November, my aunt in February and my dad on the 1st of May. My head spins, and I am so overwhelmed by the emotions that I can barely think at times.

At other times, life just moves on. Aliana has moved from 6th to 7th grade, we are dear friends with Alysia's partner Katherine, and my little nuclear-type family seems to be holding together, something I have worried about. Until today, every time I tried to write, I would just begin to cry. And then I couldn't go forward.

A couple of days ago, I was talking with my sister Fran, who encouraged me to write from Hawaii, where I am now. Just write weather reports, if you can, she said. It will open up another channel. And so I am sitting here in our apartment in Kauai, uploading photos to Facebook and thought I would try to just post something to move my mother's photo out of the top spot.

Paul and Danna and Dakota will be coming on Wednesday, and we'll be together here for 10 days or so, then Joy and I get 4 days just the 2 of us. Yay! Anyway, the weather is good, cloudy but warm and humid. We got here Saturday, I've been swimming twice with Aliana in the ocean, and tried body-surfing a couple of the larger waves. Now we're off to dinner.

Judy

My Mom is in the Hospital, since Monday. Not looking good at all.

She's a wonderful person, and I love her dearly.

Go gently, lady. Fare well.

Alysia's Moving

Hey there.

I've started a blog for all things Leeshie over here.

Eventually, that's where most things Alysia will go. Probably some Sean as well.

Stay well,

Yogi

                  Beloved Alysia
                 6/13/89-4/29/10

              Daughter and Friend

Not Yet

They tell me that there will be a time when missing you
is not like a burning in my chest.

That there will be a moment when life seems normal again,
and some day I will remember you more as a photograph than a memory.

I'm told that life will be fun, the shadow will lift, the strange feelings of lack will pass.

I know we'll meet somewhere.

That your laugh and quick smile will once again light my day like a lightbulb.

I'll feel your presence behind me, a quick tap on my shoulder to ask "What'cha doin', Dad?"

And your voice will lift my heart again.

But not yet.

How long must I wait?

Ashes to Ashes

We are struck by the sense of finality.

There are more things yet to be done, but this is the end of one arc.

A lifetime in 20 years, now reduced to memories on a table-top.

Mementi Mori.

From dust you came and to dust you are returned...

Would that you were, indeed, the phoenix.